Men's Articles

Touchy-Feely Truths

We explores what men and women really want when it comes to sex. here's a huge gap between what women expect in the bedroom, and what men expect. Many factors are responsible for this gender divide: one's upbringing, the media, even chats with your girlfriend over lunch can cue you in on what the "ideal" relationship should be like.

And if you've ever read any of the Mars-Venus books by John Gray, PhD, it's also a case of men just being wired differently, like they came from another planet altogether. There are a few truths that, once learned, can rekindle the passion from your honeymoon days. Understanding what your spouse craves in the bedroom will pave the way for renewed excitement, even for couples with more than a few anniversaries behind them.

What Women Really Want


Anthropologist Helen Fisher, Ph.D, author of "Why We Love"; stresses the importance of healthy communication in a woman's ability to feel romantic. "Women report that they feel more intimacy with a partner when they talk together just before making love," she explains. Author and sex therapist Lou Paget writes in "The Big O" that most women, in order to share or be open verbally with their partner, must feel safe. Hesitation may come from a fear of hurting a partner's feelings, especially when the subject is as touchy-feely as sex.


In today's world of equal opportunity, women are working at high-powered jobs and display much self-confidence in the workplace - even if that workplace is the home. Women love a partner who is able to appreciate her strengths and attributes, and aren't threatened by them. Dr. John Gray, writer of the Mars Venus series of relationships manuals, points out that women need to be loved and cherished, before they can express love to another.


Sexologist Dr. Beverly Whipple theorises that women typically view sex as pleasure-directed. "Simple acts like cuddling, kissing, and touching are sometimes the end in itself," she explains. Just as effective are traditional romantic gestures, such as a surprise dinner date; love notes taped to the fridge, or a sweet SMS that says her hubby is thinking of her in the middle of an important meeting.


If men are visual creatures, women tend to be more tactile, turned on by other sensual stimuli such as smell and touch. Women find most irresistible a man who smells clean and fresh, and who takes care of his physical appearance. "Especially if she shares a bedroom with him! Clutter and poor hygiene are just not sexy," says Lynn, 28, a marketing specialist, who's been married for three years:

What Men Really Want


Variety stimulates the pleasure centres of the brain, maintaining the climate of romance, writes Dr. Fisher. So steer clear of routine. Fulfil your husband's need for spontaneous and unscheduled sex by making love in the morning, instead of bedtime. Danger (of being late for work, for instance! and novelty are two passion triggers that can be tripped very pleasantly by an unexpected roll in the hay.

Visual Stimulation

Men like to look, according to Dr. Fisher, with most psychologists agreeing that for men, the visual image triggers romantic passion. Don't neglect your physical appearance, and use your looks to your advantage. "I always wear nice lingerie under my business suits," shares Amanda, 30, "and make sure my husband sees. He loves it!" Other visual treats would involve making love with the lights on; or in soft candlelight, which will give you a very flattering and sexy glow.

Letting Her Take The Lead

Based on a study done by Dartmouth University, women who look men in the eye are perceived as sexier and more attractive. "When someone looks at us,"says study author Malia Mason, "it's physiologically arousing." Try gazing at him over the dinner table ...and once you've snagged his attention, rev him up even more by telling him what you'd like to do next.

Learning What Please Her

This is actually very important to men, who tend to be goal-oriented when it comes to sex. Lou Paget writes, "Granted, most men find the act of pleasuring his partner a huge turn-on." So tell him what pleases you, and what doesn't. Being verbal about what feels good gets the message across in a way that thrills both you and your partner.


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