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Guy Speak

Some Guys Tell Us About The Joys Of Girlfriends

  • "Girls are great fun to be with; they're into everything from water-skiing to rock-climbing and also do a mean 90 degrees spin on the Daytona circuit!" Michael
  • "Best of all, she knows you through and through. So depending on her for introductions to other girls will ensure that your blind date isn't the latest horror story of the month!" Kenny
  • "They're not afraid to be affectionate and hug you when you're down - you won't catch your guy buddies doing that, will you?" Sam
  • "What better way to learn about the vagaries of the female mind than with a willing girl-pal who can give you the low down on their behavior! Now, I finally understand why they always have to go to the Ladies in pairs&" Lionel
  • "Who else is going to make your day when she tells you "You look gorgeous!" and you know she's not doing it to impress you?" Leslie

Cheating Wives? Blame It On Clueless Men

They is an increasing number of wives who like to keep men on the side for "fun". Of course, to an enlightened male such as myself, this news of more women cheating on their husbands is not surprising. Men have never been able to realise when their women are playing tongue hockey with the gardener when they are out there bringing home the bacon. The fact remains that a man doesn't have a clue when his woman is practising the art of seduction with that new colleague of hers.

Women, on the other hand, do have this problem, mostly because they are all psychic. Just think about another woman and it will trigger their sixth sense. This was how filmmaker M Night Shyamalan got his inspiration for the movie The Sixth Sense. He went home one day after fantasising about an actress and found his wife standing in the corridor going: "I see a dead person." The reasons why men are clueless are many, but I've managed to narrow them down to a few.

Men Have Big Egos

They always believe that their wives have married the best man possible. And after she's had the best, why would she go for anything less? When men look at themselves in the mirror, they always see Brad Pitt looking back at them, even when their six-pack abs have merged into one giant blob as a result of too many beers.

Men always think they are numero uno despite the fact that at our weddings, it is clearly spelt out to us that - we are not the best man. As such, it is unfathomable to men that their women could possibly want to wake up to anything less than the god lying next to them.

Men Are Stupid

See, men believe anything their women tell them. When they say that they are working late again for the fifth night in a row, men don't think: "Hmm, how. coincidental that all these late nights started when that handsome new colleague of hers joined the firm five days ago." No, they simply think: "All right! Another night with my Xbox 360." Even when she comes home reeking of alcohol and cigarette smoke, all men will think is: "Say, that's a new scent she put on today."

Men Are Weak

When she is dressed to kill and ready to go out, just try asking: "Honey, where are you going?" All she has to do is stare at you real hard and say: "Are you telling me that after a hard day's work and coming home to clean up YOUR mess, I can't go out with my friends to unwind? How would you like to sleep on the sofa for the next month?" 

Before you know it, these words come out of any man's mouth, "I'm sorry, please enjoy yourself." How did that song go? If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, never make a pretty woman your wife. If you want to be even happier, make her somebody else's wife and just sit back and wait.

 

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