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Star For Love: I Am A Porn

Every few months for over a year now, Maya takes a bus to shopping center. And she always visits her favorite store to buy half a dozen VHS video cassettes. "The chap who sells it to me always looks quizzical and asks what I need them for," says the 34-year-old mother of three. She tells him they're for her kids' birthday parties. "So many kids?" he'll tease. She flashes a secret smile before scooting off.

Once home, she dates the tapes and pops one into an old-fashioned recorder. The kids are at school today, leaving her a good hour for what's become a routine. She locks her room door and dials a US number, then Khan, her boyfriend, tells her what to do. Some days, she's in a sexy camisole, frolicking and rubbing against a dildo; at other times, she's nude, massaging herself with almond oil as the camera rolls.

It was a deal we struck - I make a sexy video of myself, he gives me a monthly allowance of $1,800," she says, blushing. Each video is different, she adds, with her in various acts, costumes and playing with different sex toys. "Khan is like a director, telling me what to do. It's just like making pornography, except it's for his eyes only," she says. Maya agrees the deal is sordid, but she is adamant that Khan loves her.

"He's a one-woman man and needs the videos to feel my presence," she says. And porn is no big deal to Khan, he runs an adult video shop in Texas. "I do it because I love him - he was the only one there for me when my husband left me in 2004." Married to an abusive man in her early 20s, Maya endured much battering as well as her ex-husband's womanising ways before finally filing for divorce.

The marriage was rocky from the start and when the kids came along, her husband would vanish for days and become violent when she questioned him. "He'd even kick and punch me in the kids' presence," she says. And once, when they were on holiday in the US, he punched her so hard the police locked him up for two days. That was in 2001. His best friend, Khan, had to bail him out.

"It was also then that Khan and I started to fall in love," says Maya. "All those times when my husband wasn't there for me and my children, Khan lent me shelter and a shoulder to cry on."
Once out of jail, her then-husband returned to Singapore, leaving her in the US alone with her two sons. "I wanted to leave him then but 10 days later he begged me to come home and I did," she says. However, she and Khan continued their intimate friendship.

In 2003, Maya had a baby girl. "My ex had always wanted a girl so I thought the marriage would improve, but it didn't." When the baby was a month old, he left home without a word. Furious and confused, she packed up and brought her kids to California to find him. But he told her he was in Texas, with a Mexican lady.

The marriage subsequently ended and Khan offered to look after Maya, via a long-distance relationship. "He's very possessive and doesn't allow me to work," she says. He also gave her a handphone so that at any time, he could know exactly what she's doing, and vvth whom. But while Maya trusts Khan's love, she isn't so sure about making two sexy videos a month. "I'm worried that if I refuse to make them, he'll stop sending money for my kids and I," she reveals.

At times, she's hesitated and the video would be late. "But Khan sends money anyway" she says, adding that the last time she visited him in the US, she found every single one of her tapes at his home. And even though she sometimes gets angry with him for having to make them, she remembers how much he cares for her and the kids.

"Khan is patient, gentle and logical, capable of looking after a family... so different from my ex," she says. "That's why, for him, I can do anything he asks." Thankfully, they've made plans to sell her house then get married in Texas. Maya says, "I'm just looking forward to being reunited with Khan so we can make love for real, not just for reel."

Why Make Sex Videos?

It's rare for mature couples to make sex videos of themselves, says Jonathan, a counsellor. "If these older couples do, the quality of the relationship is questionable." he says. "Other than being sex partners, are they emotionally close as well? If she tells him she doesn't like making the videos, will her feelings be respected? Does she find it hard to say "no"?

"While it is good that couples find each other sexually attractive, a healthy relationship goes beyond such attraction. Jonathan says, "In Maya's care, there's a risk that she may be controlled and easily abused by her boyfriend should the relationship turn sour. He may also use the tapes as a 'weapon' so she can't escape his demands.


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