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He Is Not My Soulmate After All

True Life Harassing Account

Sheila, 28, ballet dancer/choreographer

"Alan and I met in a pub through a mutual friend. I was only 18 then. We met regularly in the pub and had many a lengthy conversation. Alan proved to be very interesting company and we shared many interests which included a love for poetry and general knowledge. Our relationship became very intense and things were good between us for more than a year until the day I got a call from his wife. The phone call shocked me because I had no idea Alan was married.

His wife said, 'This is Alan's wife' and all I could say was 'What?' She went on to say that she had an 11-month-old son and was now four months pregnant. I was shocked and I felt stupid, hurt, upset and angry. I asked Alan why he kept his marriage a secret from me. He replied he was afraid of losing me and that he was in love with me. I told him I never wanted to see him again.

"Alan kept away for five days and then called me again. He said he had to see me because he missed me. Shortly after, his wife called and told me she was leaving Alan because of the affair. I told her to keep her husband. It would be stupid of her to leave him as she was pregnant. She said Alan did not want her because he was in love with me. I refused to see Alan for another month after that until he came to my work place.

He pleaded with me to give him another chance. Since he was causing a scene, I agreed. I admit, at that time I still had feelings for him. So I started seeing him again because I believed his wife had left him. "A year later, Alan's brother informed me that Alan was back with his wife. I confronted him. He said it was for the sake of the children. He assured me there was nothing between him and his wife anymore.

I didn't believe him and told him to get out of my life. That was when he started harassing me. Alan harassed me at work, called my boss and my parents numerous times and cornered me at the bus stop from where I took a bus to work. He waited at the entrance of my workplace sobbing and physically stopped me from going to work. My friends helped out by meeting me at various locations and taking me to work.

The nights were the worst when Alan came to my house, which I shared with two other housemates, at 3 a.m. completely drunk. He banged on the door and begged my housemates to let him in. The loud noise angered my neighbors who called my landlord. The next day my irate landlord called me and told me to either stop the commotion or vacate.

My housemates moved out when the ruckus became unbearable and soon I moved out as well but Alan found me. To keep Alan quiet, I let him in. Each time, he kept me awake till 6 or 7 a.m., begging me to take him back. When I said no, he hit me. He slapped me until I bled on the lips, eyes and cheeks. Then he apologised and promised me that it will never happen again but it always did.

"I moved house three times after that but he found me. Out of desperation, I made a police report, changed my job and changed apartments again. But he called my new office and waited for me outside the compound. I ignored him but soon after, he found out where I lived and came to my new place. My new housemate, not knowing who he was, let him in. First he caused a scene.

Suddenly he climbed onto a window's ledge and threatened to jump, 13 stories down. I grabbed him and told him to get down since I did not want to be responsible for his death but he caught hold of me and said he was going to take me down with him. My terrified housemates held on to me. I am convinced that Alan would have jumped that day because he stood on the ledge without holding on to anything.

People had gathered below and were watching to see if he would jump. Someone called the fire brigade and when Alan heard the siren, he stopped threatening to jump. I didn't know what went through his mind but something must have snapped because he turned to me and said, 'This is for real, I won't bother you anymore: He got down from the ledge and walked out of the apartment.

Later that day, I made another police report stating that if anything happened to Alan, it would have nothing to do with me. "Alan stalked me for two years. After that, I still lived in fear. I lost my youth because of him but I think I am who I am because of what happened. As a result, everything looks better now and I appreciate life more, although I still wish I had never met him:"


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